My Name is Thomas Esposito. I am employed at Congregation Simchat Yisrael in West Haven. Recently I spoke with the your office manager or secretary concerning the issue of intermarriage between Jewish and non-Jewish people in our community. These couples are on the increase and are seeking ways to find common ground in raising their children. Our congregation has a special ministry to intermarried couples. Our involvement with this ministry over the years has allowed us to gain much experience in this matter. Your publication has a large distribution and could assist a great many of these parents. I am inquiring about submitting an article to you on some type of regular basis (or at least one time) addressing the issues that Jewish and non-Jewish intermarried parents face. We are not looking for any reimbursement. We view this endeavor as a service to the community. Would you be willing to consider this proposal? I have enclosed a copy of one possible article. Thank you for your time and consideration.

We can be as flexable as needed!
Thomas Esposito


Assistant to S.Y.C.L
(203)932-9929 office
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Holiday Moments For Jewish And Non-Jewish Families
By Thomas Esposito

For marriages where one spouse is Jewish and the other spouse is not, holiday seasons can create considerable stress. When you add children into the equation, you have the formula for two stressed out parents.

Over several years now I have had the pleasure of observing intermarried couples with children during the holiday seasons. I have found that more often than not, in their attempt to covey the richness of the culture they experienced while growing up. They accent the differences between the Jewish and non-Jewish cultures. While this course of action may educate the children about each parents perspective traditions it does not convey the meaningful experiences either parent valued while growing up. This is because the ethos of the Jewish and non-Jewish intermarried couple is not the same as the previous generations respectively. Most of the time the previous generations did not consist of Jewish and non-Jewish parents. In the past both spouses were Jewish or they were not.

The intermarried couple cannot recreate the same exact meaningful experience because the variables in the marriage have changed. In spite of all the efforts of the parents, overwhelmingly the children of these marriages begin to lose interest in either culture or religion. More often than not this results in two disappointed parents and children that missed the great substance each culture has to offer. However, the story does not have to end that way!

The intermarried parents may not be able to pass on the same exact experiences they had but they can pass on meaningful experiences that are rooted in the culture of the each intermarried parent. Previously I stated that intermarried parents tend "to accent the differences between Jewish and non-Jewish cultures as they attempt to covey the richness of the culture they experienced while growing up". Rather than accenting the differences between each culture and religion they should accent the similarities. Note the following examples of Christmas and Chanukah. For both Holidays it's traditional to give presents to those we love. One holiday celebrates the rededication of the Temple the other celebrates the dedication of a child. Both take place in Israel. Jesus celebrated Chanukah. These are examples of just a few similarities that can be shared with children during this Holiday season. Taking this approach to the Holiday challenge, intermarried parents create a united front. The children will recognize that the parents are in harmony. This union in itself will make the holiday season more meaningful to the children.

The next issue that must be raised in the holiday conundrum is the issue of motive. Often parents want to pass on traditions to their children that they themselves don't practice. Usually this is done out of obligation to grandparents or other such reasons. Using this approach the parents are viewed by the children as being hypocritical. This comes across as the old, do as I say, not as I do style of parenting. This type of parenting style lacks constancy and tends to confuse children. This way of teaching most likely did not sit well with the parents when they were young and it won't do any better with their children. Children tend to value what their parent's value. When celebrating religious holidays intermarried parents should not shy away from the spiritual aspect of that Holiday. Increasingly spirituality is playing an important role in our society. It is the spiritual aspect of the holiday coupled with the richness of tradition that produces the desired effect in the family. The first step in presenting traditions and religious values, to children is unity between parents. The second step is parents reviewing their own motives. If any tradition, Holiday or otherwise lacks real personal spiritual value to you, it will lack personal spiritual value to the children.

In the United States the intermarriage rate between Jewish people and non-Jewish people is over fifty percent. These marriages produce children whose feet will stand in two different cultures. The majority of the time these cultures are Jewish and Christian. Through the years these two cultures have been at odds with each other. Now in the new millennium it's about time these parents reexamine each other's faith in light of the similarities they share not the differences that divide. Intermarried parents have a rich and wonderful heritage that is linked to generations past. They have an exciting challenge of creating new and meaningful ways to pass on that legacy to the next generation.


Thomas Esposito holds the position of assistant to the congregational leader at Congregation Simchat Yisrael Messianic Jewish Synagogue (Joy of Israel) located in West Haven. This Synagogue has a special ministry to intermarried couples. Mr. Esposito is intermarried and has three children.