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Sheriff's history makes for laughs at roast
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| By: Mark J. Crawford, Editor |
September 05, 2009 |
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Jimmy Smith, the sheriff’s brother, shows that most of his comments had to be censored.
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Part roast, part toast, Bradford County Sheriff Gordon Smith was the man of the hour at a fundraiser for the Bradford County Historical Preservation Society last Saturday.
Smith said he grew up red-headed and freckled, so he's able to take a joke. That's good, because fryers including his good pal and former employee Barry Warren spent an hour taking shots at him. Warren started out by saying there actually wasn't much to say about the sheriff at all. Still, he and the others managed to share a few memories.
For example, Warren remembered what a skinny guy Smith was when the two played football together in high school. Smith was weak-side end. The "weak" description in this case was apparently literal. Warren, of course, was strong-side end. Fast forward to years later when Smith joined the police department where Warren was an investigator and eventually found himself working for Smith.
The difference between younger and older Smith was this new Smith wanted people to believe he was a stand up guy, Warren said.
Being Smith's subordinate had such advantages as being repeatedly volunteered to participate in the Kiwanis Club's Mz. Ugly contests. After all, Smith said it was part of Warren's job being in charge community relations. Eventually, Warren gave in.
"So I went and borrowed his dress," Warren said, and when it was all over, he asked Smith why he had been put through the ordeal.
"He said, 'Barry, we've been together so long, I just had to see what you looked like in a dress!'" Apparently, he didn't look good enough, because Warren said that's why he was left behind at the police department when Smith became sheriff.
Dan Sikes said most people don't realize Smith met his wife, Stefanie, in high school.
"Of course, she was a student and he was a school resource officer!" Sikes said. "I'm not going to say Gordon was robbing the cradle, but she had her bachelorette party at Chucky Cheese!"
Sikes said his grandfather always told him that county politics was like a cesspool-the biggest chunks always float to the top. Sure enough, Smith told Sikes years ago he was going to be county sheriff.
"Of course, that was just after they had burned a marijuana field!" Sikes said. There's still stories told about that day, he added.
"As the wind blew and the fire and smoke shifted, Gordon bravely placed himself between the smoke and the rest of the officers!"
Sikes said the first thing he thought when Smith was elected sheriff came from political strategist James Carville-there's no telling what will happen when you drag $100 bill through a trailer park. But there may have been more behind the landslide win.
"It's not like Gordon went out and got a fistful of absentee votes from the nursing homes, but when I found out that Archie Tanner and Steve Futch were the chairmen of his voter registration drive ..." he trailed off.
Sikes also called into question Smith's judgment, such as supporting the appointment of Jeff Johnson as head of the police department.
"Pumpkin! There's a (nickname) that will strike fear in a criminal!"
But perhaps worst of all was a tradition Smith started when attorney Sikes was questioning him one day in court, and Smith had to consult his notes for an answer. Smith looked down and proceeded to scratch his nose-with his middle finger.
"He has shot me the bird in front of judges and juries ever since, and he's started other law enforcement officers doing the exact same!" Sikes said.
Sikes took a few potshots at his fellow fryers, too. He said when it was reported Warren had told a resident concerned about a possible death in the neighborhood to call him back when she smelled something, he had given new meaning to the term "nosey neighbor." Sikes also said Judge George Pierce was one of the most liberal judges on the bench-at least when it came to interpreting the rules of golf.
Pierce said he was actually much tougher on a teenaged Gordon Smith when the boy showed up in his courtroom for, of all things, climbing and painting the Starke water tower. That revelation delighted the crowd.
"You're embarrassing the tar out of your mother," Pierce told him that day in court before demanding that Smith apologize to her on the spot. In spite of 40 hours of community service washing fire trucks and a warning that he had better not return to court, Pierce said it wasn't that long before he was in trouble again.
This time it was improper disposal-improper disposal of hog innards in the police dispatch station!
"Couldn't you find any other place to bury this stuff?" the judge asked. "Well, that was the closest place," the young Smith replied.
Smith's mom, Sue Willingham, continued the tales of his unruly youth.
"His favorite saying growing up was 'Don't tell mom,'" she said when she took the podium. Actually, he wasn't all that bad. The roots of his career in law enforcement probably came from a childhood of protecting other kids from bullies.
Sure, Smith needed some discipline himself, but his mom said when he turned 14 he decided he was too old to get spankings. He went to her and told her as much, requesting that she treat him like a man from that point forward. He was, after all, like a father to the younger kids.
Mom agreed she'd treat him like a man, but with a warning to remember what he had asked for. Sure enough, it wasn't long until the two got into it about the whereabouts of a beloved hat. Smith accused his mom of throwing it out, but true to her word, she didn't spank him like a child at this show of disrespect.
Nope. She hit him "good and hard."
"I never had to spank him anymore. He was real good after that," said Willingham, who raised Smith and his brothers largely on her own.
Smith's younger brother Jimmy was the final fryer for the evening. Unfortunately, the list of things he could talk about was mostly crossed out.
"This is what I wound up with. Pretty much I didn't have anything except for an 'a,' an 'and,' and 'you should have seen the look on her face when I walked through the bedroom door!'" he said.
That was the extent of the bad things he could say publicly, so he went on to say how his older brother had been a father figure for him and his brothers. Jimmy used to be able to brag that he became a police sergeant before his older brother-until Smith took it two steps further, becoming first a police chief and then sheriff.
And the county couldn't have chosen a better man for the job, he said.
There were other kind words spoken for Smith as well. Contrary to his stories, Warren said he really enjoyed working for Smith at the police department, an agency he changed for the better.
"I'm proud to call him my sheriff, and I hope you all are, too," Warren said.
Sikes said it has been a pleasure watching Smith progress over the years, and he wished him many more years of success.
Willingham said it's wonderful seeing one's children grow up and live their dreams the way hers have. Smith's dream was to be sheriff. Not just sheriff of anywhere, she said-sheriff of Bradford County.
Smith's mom said he might not have been born here, as some have pointed out, but he was made here-another revelation that delighted the crowd. Apparently the house is still standing on Wilson Road.
Yes, Willingham was seven months pregnant when they moved to Ohio, but she said she brought him back home.
"This has always been our home," she said.
Some of the audience members took speaking about Smith, commenting on his ability to charm the opposite sex or what a proud father he is. The most poignant, however, was his wife, who tearfully said how proud she was of her husband. The position of sheriff has been his dream, and if anyone deserves it, he does, she said.
The evening was not just a chance to poke fun at the sheriff. The roast was also the inaugural fundraising event and membership drive for the newly formed Bradford County Historical Preservation Society, whose activities include interviewing residents and preserving those memories for future generations. The group hopes to foster education, historical preservation, and cultural and social activities for community improvement.
Its founding members are Della Rosenberg, Carol Berry, Kathie Pater, Jacquelyn Totura and Monterey Wasdin-as well as everyone who helped the organization by purchasing a ticket to the roast.
Everything for the event was donated by supportive individuals or businesses, from the meal to the door prizes. Drawing tickets were also sold, with proceeds going to benefit the Bradford County Food Pantry.
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©Bradford County Telegraph 2010
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