"The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide."
Kurt Vonnegut
Today's generation might have a difficult time understanding how pervasive cigarette smoking once was. I can remember school board and city council meetings during the 1960s and '70s when ashtrays littered the meeting rooms. A haze of tobacco smoke would hover about 4 feet off the floor so the heads of the elected officials would emerge from the smog like Mt. Rushmore on a cloudy day.
After a hard march in the Army, the sergeant would always begin the rest period with, "Smoke'm if ya got'em."
To paraphrase Mark Twain, I'm an expert at quitting smoking - I've done it so many times.
My friends are dubious about my latest forgoing of the evil weed. I've gone for more than a year without a cigarette a number of times, but sooner or later I'll succumb to having "just one," which leads to one more a few days later. The natural progression is to begin occasionally bumming a cigarette, which ultimately leads to a return to the pack-a-day habit.
When I make up my mind to quit, I usually don't have that much trouble if I make it past the first few days, though I have tried several different smoking-cessation aids. One that stands out in my mind is a nicotine nasal spray. When the urge to smoke becomes overpowering, the weak-willed smoker is to take a hit of the nicotine spray to relieve his or hers withdrawal attacks.
There is an obvious drawback to the spray - smokers might transfer their addiction from the cigarette to the nasal inhaler. Yes, an inhaler doesn't offer the same mystique as cigarette. It is hard to imagine Humphrey Bogart looking roguishly into Ingrid Bergman eye's, a slight devil-may-care curl to his lip as he says, "Here's looking at you, kid," - and then suavely drawing an inhaler from his pocket and squirting nicotine up his nose.
Still, addiction is a concern and that's why an additive was include in the inhaler I used - pepper. I wasn't warned about this by my doctor when given a free sample. I paused in the clinic's parking lot to unsuspectingly sample the inhalant. Bam. I hadn't had so much fun since tear gas training in basic training. It was comparable to squirting lighter fluid into your nasal cavity and then shoving a lit match up your nose. I got off a partial gurgled scream as I staggered wretchedly about, clutching my face while blindly bumping into the parked cars like a pinball.
I checked the clinic windows as soon as the tears cleared from my eyes. I was certain the doctor and nurses had scrambled to the window as soon as I was out the door, giggling in anticipation as I opened the inhalant box and then laughing uproariously when I Maced myself.
The smoking cessation aid had gone from replacement therapy to negative reinforcement. Monkeys that receive repeated electrical shocks soon learn to cower from the bad button. Smokers dumb enough to Mace themselves every time they think of a cigarette are bound to develop painful psychological associations. For those thinking of using such a nicotine spray, save yourself the costs of an office visit and prescription drug and just buy an electric cattle prod.
As one gets older and closer to that great abyss, the prospect of debilitating diseases becomes more real. This is what motivated my most recent cessation. Coincidently at this time, I was approached at the Johnson County Fair by two young women working for the University of Iowa Hospitals on a national clinical research study. They were looking for current and past cigarette smokers to participate in a study to determine why some smokers develop lung disease and others don't. More than 10,000 people across the U.S. will be included in the study as a genetic connection is looked for with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) - this includes emphysema, chronic bronchitis and airway diseases that cause damage to the air passages.
Participants are given a chest x-ray CT scan, breathing tests and questionnaires dealing with their health history. I figured this was a cheap way to get a free physical, plus $75 for taking part in the study. I hate needles, so I wasn't that thrilled with giving the blood samples, but it was comparatively painless.
The University is still looking for volunteers and any past or present smokers 45 or older can call 353-8862 for more information.
My examination results are back and the bright side is that it appears my heart and lungs are normal - so it is a good time to quit when I am ahead.