Another school year has flown by, at least for me. To hear some of the kids talk, it's been forever and they are antsy to be done with it. Every day when my kids arrive home from school I greet them with the routine question of "How was your day?"
The responses vary depending on the source. My preschooler is always excited, full of nonstop chatter and eager to show me all the contents of her stuffed backpack. My two elementary students, first and third graders, are a little more blase, but still give me detailed reports. They are quick to sit and finish their homework, almost always without prompting and without needing help. I used to think it was a child's age that determined if they were excited about school or not, but my son, now in Jr. High, punched a big hole in that theory. The only passion he shows about school is to declare how much he hates it. That started the first week of Kindergarten and sadly his feelings have never changed.
His response to my ever hopeful question is either an indistinguishable grunt or a toneless "fine."
This can mean everything, anything or nothing. On the day he won an art award, he said his day was "fine," and on the day he came home with a detention slip he said "fine." So as most moms do, I've had to learn a whole second language of really hearing what my child is telling me through vocal tone, facial expression, and body language. If that doesn't work, we play twenty questions which can be really aggravating for both parties involved. He doesn't like my questions, and I don't like his answers.
And last, but not least, my freshman in high school, who I can rely on to start talking before I can even voice the question, with a long litany of everything that went good with the day, bad with the day, which teachers made her "ok list," which teachers made her "toilet list," and which ones didn't make a list at all. She recites which friends she talked to in which classes, who she sat by, listened to, ignored, or got ignored by, and who said what at lunch. When I can get a word in edgewise to ask about schoolwork, suddenly all I'm hearing is that generic "fine."
My wish would be to hear an enthusiastic "I'm learning great stuff every day and it's so much fun!" from all of them. However, reality has reared its sometimes ugly face and the older they get, the chances of hearing that seem to decline greatly.
I have discovered the emotional care taking of children is more worrisome, stress-elevating and mentally challenging than the physical care needed.
Take for instance, two years ago when my youngest had reached the milestone of potty training while my oldest was learning to drive and getting her school permit. Training a toddler to get to the potty on time was far less nerve-racking than teaching someone the rules of the road.
Sandwiched between those two major events were a lot of others. Jaicey figured out how to tie shoes, Kinzey learned how to tell time, Delaney started to ride a four-wheeler, Walker upgraded from flag football to tackle football, and boys started to call for Whitney.
The most recent milestones reached were with my youngest and oldest simultaneously. Jaicey learning to read at the same time Whitney prepared for her first Prom. Some milestones are minor, some are major and all are important. I'm expecting and therefore, prepared for most of them, others' come along and slap me in the face before I know what hit me. There are times I'd like to have them just stop changing and growing so I can have a chance to catch up and adjust, instead of feeling like I'm always a step behind the developmental checkpoints they are racing through.
Parenting is definitely a journey, not a place, demands on me will constantly change as the kid's needs change. My role as mom can be challenging, overwhelming, sometimes full of self-doubt, but God has given me talents to put order to my days, much as he created order out of chaos. I cherish these years I'm spending with my children and while it's not always easy, I know the rewards are so sweet. I believe children are a blessing and a gift direct from God, and even though there are times I might say I'd like to give them back, I wouldn't change a single thing about any of them.
I pray with them daily that they grow to love God so that they can reach the best milestone of all, eternity in heaven.
Copyright @ 2009 Jana Miller