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Go Antonella Barba! Whoo!
8:00 p.m.: She’s center stage during the intros. I’ll eat my hat, your hat, and Uncle Bertrand’s toupee if we find out about Antonella’s status before the final moments of the telecast.
8:01: The whole gang is singing "Stuck in the Middle With You." Somewhere, Michael Madsen is slicing someone’s ear off.
8:09: The first two contestants hit the stage, and they both made the final 12. And now here comes the large-boned, frizzy-haired gentleman. We’ll have to wait to after the break to find out his status..
While we wait for the vote to come in, can we please take a moment and take a look at what Antonella has on the table? For starters, "Girls Gone Wild" founder and CEO Joe Francis has offered Barba $250,000 to become a host for his video company, saying, "Antonella Barba is an unbelievably sexy girl who obviously knows how to have a good time. "
Amen, Joe.
Furthermore, SugarDVD, the world’s largest online adult DVD rental store, has offered Barba $500,000 to be their spokesperson.
So we’re already up to $750,000.
And let’s not forget Hugh Hefner, who told "Access Hollywood" that Antonella "really looks sexy here," and, when asked if he would have Antonella pose for Playboy, said, "Very real possibility. Yes, absolutely."
So, to bottom line -- Antonella Barba, Point Pleasant gal, stands to make a fortune solely for looking hot, singing on a G-rated reality show, and posing in her underwear. And topless. Let’s not forget topless. (For the record, I’ve already blocked the toilet shot out of my mind.)
8:14: Two more contestants make the cut. Barba still has a 67 percent chance to move on to the Final 12, and yes, I just capitalized "Final 12." Sue me.
8:24: Let’s catch up. One guy got the boot, two more made it, and then two more made it. Which means Barba’s chances just dropped to 50 percent. Uh-oh.
8:26: And here’s Carrie Underwood, "American Idol" winner and country star. If you live north of Bordentown, you’ll be forgiven if you’ve never heard of her.
8:35: Whoa! Antonella is center stage. Someone get me Uncle Bertrand’s toupee! I can’t believe we’re going to find out right now.
8:36: Nooooooo! Seacrest says, "Antonella, the journey ends for you tonight," and she immediately starts crying. Oh man. I wish she wouldn’t cry. It makes her human, and not a two-dimensional half-naked girl. This is very, very hard for me to deal with.
8:37: Seacrest continues, saying Barba has "really grown up a lot on ‘American Idol.’" Finally, someone on the show alludes to the controversy. He then asks her if she will take memories with her from the show, to which she responds, "So many, too many, so many great ones, but.. and never finishes the sentence.
8:40: Well, I’m done watching "Idol" for the season. And Antonella -- do yourself a favor and take all the money being thrown at you. Pose naked, collect the millions, and after another flurry of publicity, we’ll forget all about you and leave you alone. Promise.
-- Read Jeff Edelstein every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. He can be reached at jedelstein@trentonian.com.
