And being oneself might be anywhere on a broad sexual spectrum between having thoughts of attraction toward someone of the same sex to dating to having sexual experiences, with both the opposite sex and same-sex partners.
"Same-sex-attracted teenagers are, in general, indistinguishable from other teens neurologically, anatomically and chemically," writes Savin-Williams. "They achieve their full height and genital maturity during puberty, develop novel ways of thinking, and accumulate knowledge just as other young people do. Also like other teens, they must negotiate parental and peer relationships. Teens of all sexualities think about and explore arenas of sexual and emotional intimacy."
And teens are getting many of these diversity messages from media models and their parents, says Savin-Williams. Among them, "That same-sex sexuality is not such a big deal - not so much as in my generation, when it was hugely a big deal. In fact, if we gave high school kids the right to vote, we'd have same-sex marriage."
This in itself may not be a surprise because political and social experimentation are also a part of the teen years, "Sometimes when I interview my college students, even they are amazed at what's going on with the younger kids," Savin-Williams says.
"Here's what's intriguing," he continues. "The fact is that high school kids reflect their parents. Issues like racism and sexism are not declining with their cohorts. This is the one 'ism' that seems to have the widest generation gap. Why? I'm only speculating, but somehow, they don't think this will be adaptive for their kids in the future."
Even if parents are themselves homo-negative or homophobic, he says, they know they should not be teaching hatred against a class of people to their kids. And as more and more people disclose same-sex sexuality - including friends, family members and admired celebrities - it can be increasingly difficult and unrewarding to divide into "us-and-them" exclusions.
"There is a reality that even those mammoth differences that used to exist are getting considerably smaller," he says.
Also, the definition of "gay" is increasingly harder to pin down. "For me, the word gay is technically a sexual identity label. What has happened is that it's become a very generic word to refer to anyone with same-sex attractions. I'm referring to a much wider group of things. I'm hoping we can accept a wide range on the sexual spectrum - most of us are somewhere in between [gay and heterosexual]," he notes.
Savin-Williams's book includes the designation "pre-gay," which he says he offered in jest to signify kids who are not yet aware they will be gay; "gayish," "post-gay" and "same-sex-attracted" are other terms that Savin-Williams uses in his book.
For many people of all ages, love is situational, based on the person rather than gender. "If that were really freed up, you'd find a lot of same-sex couples [who would say], 'That's now what I am, this is who I love.'" Interestingly, these relationships are not an accurate predictor of the person's sexual future.
This holds true particularly for young women, Savin-Williams explains. "[Women] tend to be more fluid, not exclusively genitally focused. Increasingly, I'm finding boys who are of the same belief and attitude. That gives me hope.
"I know male individuals who are gay but married and in love with a woman. That's there all along the spectrum - they fell in love with the woman but that's not their primary sexual attraction," he said.
On the flip side, he explains, a straight person could fall in love with someone of the same sex. "In the past, they would never pursue this. Now in the same-sex-friendly youth culture, the straight people could pursue their romantic relationships without being tied to only one sex," Savin-Williams says. "If we could build relationships on love rather than on genitals, that's probably more conducive to what we are or should be as human beings.
"In general, I'm not fond of boxes and categories. I like the concept that we as individuals have options and that we could be flexible."
While most of Savin-Williams' research is conducted through interviews with older, college-age teens, he tries to keep in touch with younger teens as well. Those who work with younger teens pretty much agree with his conclusions.
Debbie Tennant, a guidance counselor at Ithaca High School for he past 15 years, still sees occasional name-calling. "Kids are more accepting of the differences, but not always - some kids will be quick to label someone and use some labels people used in the 1970s and lash out in very hurtful ways," she says.
"It's hard to be gay. The world is geared toward heterosexuals, and kids are a little worried that they won't be strong enough to handle it. I have personal acquaintance with this," Tennant said. "Adolescence is so hard to begin with - it's something I would never want to re-live. You try on different personalities all the time. And it's hard enough to do it in high school where everyone knows you every day.
"Middle school is a hormonal mess, and in high school they're just taller! You want to stay friends with the people who have always been your friends. It's the same thing with heterosexual relationships - you're not sure whether it's a friendship or it's going to go further. Whether you're gay or straight, there's a lot of risk-taking with dating, as far as your feelings being hurt."
Tennant says she has occasionally counseled kids who have had perhaps one encounter and then are not sure what label they "ought" to have. These youngsters are relieved and accepting when they recognize they don't have to have a label.
At the same time, she adds, "There are wonderful kids in the Gay-Straight Alliance, and they're confident and proud, regardless of who they are, enjoying their friends for who they are."
"Edmund" (name has been changed) is one such student. When Savin-Williams talked to Ithaca High School's Gay-Straight Alliance, Edmund was there and agreed with Savin-Williams' conclusions. "A lot of teens just feel they're different and don't want to conform to names," Edmund says.
Asked how his generation differs from previous ones, he says it helps because the people around him are "More accepting or they want to appear as if they are." And it seems to Edmund that there are more gay and lesbian youth in this generation than previous ones.
While Edmund and most of his gay friends have experienced harassment, he doesn't dwell on it. The Gay-Straight Alliance has grown significantly from 4-5 people two years ago to 35 to 40 now, he says.
And, "If there was ever to be a religious slap on the hand, I don't think it would phase us. All our supporters are supporting us so much."
To some extent, Edmund's experience is partly a reflection of life in a progressive, urban community. Sarah who attends a rural high school near Ithaca and used her real name, says there's much more harassment for perceived differences in her school, and wonders whether there are many gay students there at all because none have felt free to be out to their peers in this environment.
"The visibility issue can be very important," Savin-Williams says. "As more and more people disclose same-sex sexuality, it's harder and harder to hold them as apart."
Di Constantinides, an educator for Planned Parenthood and one of the advisors to Ithaca High School's Gay-Straight Alliance, points out that a lot of the students in the group don't identify as gay but might have gay parents, siblings or close friends. "There's two levels of labeling," she adds. "How students really feel about themselves but what they'll say to make life easier, which is true of the rest of the population as well."
She recalls hearing a girl talk about how it's always OK for two girls to be together as a couple - which many young men find exciting. "It's harder to be a guy who's feminine than it is to be a girl who's a tomboy. There's much less stigma to being a lesbian - it still fits into the male idea of what a girl should be." On the whole, while male attitudes might not influence a young woman's orientation, the acceptance makes it easier for her to be herself.
"I think that in lots of ways Ithaca is really lucky," Costantinides says. "It's very liberal, and people who have liberal attitudes do have an effect on the atmosphere. The right-wing ideology also does - it's not a place free of those. That's definitely in Ithaca and in Ithaca High school but we're a little shifted to the left because of the way politics goes."
Still, even Ithaca can present problems to those perceived as having an alternative lifestyle. "This is a place you can feel safe but it doesn't mean you're not going to be harassed. It might be safer than other places, but it's definitely not always safe."
The freedom to be oneself - whoever and whatever one is - offers tremendous possibilities to everyone, Savin-Williams says. "I do believe that this opening up of sexuality to acceptance does profit all of us in very significant ways. It allows straight people to have more flexibility, allows people to meet on more equal terms, so I don't keep looking for a person with particular genitalia but the person who is attracted to me as a person."
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Savin-Williams, Ritch C. THE NEW GAY TEENAGER; Harvard University Press, 272 pages, $24.95. n
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