So here it is, my minute-by-minute log of one of the greatest Super Bowls we've ever witnessed.
Turns out, New York still knows how to pull a fast one on Boston.
n 2:33: I turn on the pregame show and who is the first person I see? Brady Quinn. Incredible. He's yet to start a game, and he already has more national spots than Derek Anderson. He's doing a PSA to get out and vote on Tuesday. Is he trying to vote on next year's starting quarterback?
n 2:34: First Ryan Seacrest sighting, and I'm already nauseated. Quick: What do Ryan Seacrest and Patriots backup quarterback Matt Cassel have in common? They both made it to the Super Bowl without ever displaying a talent.
n 2:36: Now he's singing. He's singing an Alicia Keys song. Seacrest, not Cassel. Cassel would probably be an upgrade.
n 2:37: In case you missed it, Matt Cassel won a national championship in college and he has an opportunity to win a Super Bowl tonight despite never being a starting quarterback. That's an impressive amount of nothing. Cassel served as Matt Leinart's backup at USC.
n 2:38: John Lynch admits Bill Belichick taped the NFC's Pro Bowl practices one year. Apparently, Wild Bill can videotape anything. Could he be the villain behind the Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson videotapes?
n 2:58: Seacrest has cornered NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, whose facial expressions scream "Who let you in here?"
n 2:59: More wisdom from Seacrest, to Goodell: "Let's talk about the Patriots for a second. If they win this game, how historical would that be?" Let's see, if you had an original thought and asked an original question, how historical would that be?
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n 3:15: Eli Manning successfully avoids Seacrest on his way into the stadium. If only Goodell was so lucky.
n 3:19: This is what happens when you leave Fox in charge - Seacrest interviewing Laurence Fishburne. Maybe Janet Jackson can make another appearance and end the misery.
n 3:27: Belichick is shown entering the stadium with an enormous duffle bag over his shoulder. No one could corroborate just how many illegal Giants game films were stashed inside.
n 3:29: Oh my. A picture of Jimmy Johnson with his shirt off. I've gone blind in my right eye. I'm calling the FCC.
n 3:51: Nick Lachey is breaking down the Patriots' chances. What's the matter, Jessica Simpson wasn't available? Her and Tony Romo must have been off on another private island. Further proof leaving Fox in charge is like having the frat house run the Super Bowl.
n 4:21: What's the only thing worse than Seacrest? Seacrest tossing a dance segment to Paula Abdul. This is what happens when you have four hours to fill. All that's left now is for Fox to find a way to force Simon and Randy into this debacle.
n 4:25: Right on cue, there's Randy Jackson.
n 4:31: That's it. I'm done. No more pregame. Replays of gymnastics on the Big Ten Network would make for better TV than Ryan Seacrest and a half-naked Jimmy Johnson. We'll try this again closer to kickoff.
n 5:05: Eating wings and avoiding Fox. Headache is slowly subsiding.
n 6:11: I'm back just in time to see the Giants run out on the field. The same field where Ohio State was destroyed in the BCS National Championship game 13 months ago. After suffering through that miserable pregame show, I'm just rooting for a close game at this point. And no more shots of Johnson on the back of the boat.
n 6:15: Commercial for a Blackberry by Sprint. I can't help but laugh. I have a Treo from Sprint and I can barely access my voicemail. And every time I put my phone in my pocket, I accidentally call someone. Moving on.
n 6:18: Jordin Sparks singing the national anthem. Seriously, why doesn't Fox just tape another episode of American Idol for the halftime entertainment? That way we don't have to chance Tom Petty breaking a hip.
n 6:26: Giants win the toss. Someone actually just made money on that.
n 6:29: Incredible. After sitting through hours of Seacrest and a half-naked Jimmy Johnson, now - now - my satellite dish goes out. Sadly, you can't make this stuff up.
n 6:32: TV is back and Plaxico Burress is falling down after making a catch. My bootleg copy of Super Bowl XLII has officially been sabotaged.
n 6:42: Eli Manning completes another third-down pass. The Giants are 3 of 3 on third down and inside the Patriots' 20 on the opening drive. Cheaty McHoody looks nervous.
n 6:45: Not surprisingly, Lawrence Tynes kicks much better indoors than in an igloo. Giants lead, 3-0.
n 6:46: There's just something about watching Joe Buck imitate Chris Kattan and an "SNL" skit that's pretty hilarious.
n 6:51: According to most analysts and experts, the Giants' best path to victory tonight is pressuring Tom Brady. That would make the first play a pretty good sign, since it ended with Barry Cofield laying on top of Tom Brady.
n 6:55: Fox's Chris Myers is on official Tom Brady Ankle Watch. It was only a matter of time. Something tells me this could evolve into a spectacle that rivals Curt Schilling's bloody sock.
n 6:58: End of the first quarter and television execs are suicidal. Two possessions? At this rate, they'll have to take timeouts between every play in the fourth quarter just to squeeze in all of these $2.7 million commercials.
n 7:03: Laurence Maroney scores, the Patriots lead and all is right with the world again. Cheaty McHoody is pleased.
n 7:07: Pam Anderson sighting! I'm telling you, there is a connection between Belichick and all of that secret videotaping.
n 7:09: The Giants are doing a great job picking up the blitz. Manning had room to rent on the deep ball to Amani Toomer. The Patriots will have to get more creative with their blitz schemes.
n 7:13: Ellis Hobbs is going to haunt Manning. Although that interception should go to Steve Smith, for somehow popping the ball up to Hobbs. Those are the types of mistakes that will ruin the Giants.
n 7:21: How did Pierre Woods not recover that fumble? Oh yeah, he's from Michigan.
n 7:24: I'd be fine without seeing another heart jump out of someone's chest for the rest of the night, although I give careerbuilder.com credit for creativity with its commercial. Come to think of it, Tom Coughlin's heart probably did that watching Ahmad Bradshaw kick the ball around on the previous possession.
n 7:33: It's strange to think the Patriots are winning, 7-3, but the Giants seem to have all the momentum. Now they're driving deep into Patriots territory again.
n 7:39: Charles Barkley and Dwyane Wade could have their own reality TV show. T-mobile has something with them. Now if they have a phone that doesn't randomly call people, I might be interested.
n 7:51: The fumble Justin Tuck forced on Brady is huge for the Giants because the Patriots will get the ball to start the second half. Giving up points at the end of the half, then giving New England the ball to start the second half would've been the momentum shift the Patriots were looking for.
n 8:04: I've never understood the infatuation with Petty. And I certainly don't understand how he landed this halftime show. Fox producers must have been convinced he wouldn't flash anyone.
n 8:35: The only thing that would be better than the Richard Simmons⁄Bridgestone commercial? Replacing Simmons with Ryan Seacrest.
n 8:41: Brady just set a new record with his 85th completion in Super Bowl history. And to think, he's only 30.
n 8:57: Pam Oliver just gave a report on the Patriots eating bananas to keep from cramping. She said it was humid inside the stadium. So, uh, open the roof.
n 9:01: End of the third quarter. Whoever has 7 for New England and 3 for New York on the squares just hit the halftime and third-quarter scores.
n 9:07: Kevin Boss' 45-yard reception has the Giants in business on the Patriots' 35. Like I said earlier, despite the score, you just have this feeling the longer the Giants hang around, the more likely they're going to steal this game.
n 9:11: Fitting timeline. Call 911. David Tyree just put the Giants on top. Cheaty is having a panic attack.
n 9:28: Brady has more completions in Super Bowls than Joe Montana. If he is to win his fourth Super Bowl, he'll have to produce a Montana-like comeback.
n 9:34: Remember that careerbuilder.com commercial with the heart that jumps out? Fitting here. First and goal Patriots, inside the 10.
n 9:39: Randy Moss had been silent for most of the game. Not anymore. Just as it was Montana to Rice in the '80s, it's Brady to Moss now to perhaps seal history. They're 21⁄2 away.
n 9:42: Manning's legacy will be solidified one way or the other on this drive.
n 9:51: That 33-yard completion from Manning to Tyree is one of the best plays I've seen in Super Bowl history. It's difficult to decide which end was better - Manning eluding the grasp of so many defenders or Tyree catching the ball with his head while Rodney Harrison is trying to remove said head. Remarkable.
n 9:56: Plaxico Burress guaranteed the Giants would beat the Patriots. So look who catches the touchdown pass to destroy perfection? Joe Namath has a rival.
n 9:59: Is that water or vomit coming out of the mouth of Stephen Gostkowski? You wonder if Adam Vinatieri is somewhere smirking right now.
n 10:01: And so it ends, perfection and history, as Brady's final pass of the night falls harmlessly to the ground. Perfection is dead. Gotham lives.
n 10:03: What did you expect? A gracious loser? Belichick walks off the field with one second still on the clock. Stay classy, Cheaty.
n 10:06: Turns out, Burress gave the Patriots too much credit. He predicted they would score 17 points. As it was, they could only muster 14. And now Burress is crying. Somewhere in the tunnels, so is Belichick.
