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"Kids today are fine," Mr. Yalden said in a telephone interview from an airport where he was waiting for a flight to his next speaking engagement. "I think parents have the problem. They feel guilty so they enable. Kids today are great-let them figure things out for themselves. As a parent you must put the responsibility where it belongs, but don't give them the power and don't enable their behaviors."
Mr. Yalden, who has been a motivational speaker since 1994, will come to Falls Village Monday for his second appearance in a year at Housatonic Valley Regional High School. "I'm very honored and excited to have been asked back so soon," he said. "It helps to build a relationship with the students."
The speaker spends about 150 days on the road each year, traveling across America-indeed, circling the world. "What I do is not travel," he said briskly. "I spend about three days a week on the road. But what it means is grabbing a flight, renting a car and driving to a hotel where you get a room. The next day, I do a program, get a flight and do it all over again. It's draining and I get tired, but I like talking to kids."
Mr. Yalden, who has appeared on the MTV motivational show, "MADE," says each program he presents ranges in length from 50 minutes to two hours and he puts heart and soul into his presentations. "When I am done, I am dripping wet, sweaty," he said. "The travel is tough, but bring the kids to me and I'll speak to them for free. This is what I like to do and I am happy professionally."
Mr. Yalden makes his home on Cape Cod, and said he is working at a lower rate at Housatonic. "I think I gave them a price of $2,500," he said, "but I normally get anywhere from $5,000 to $7,500."
He said many people seek to enter the field of motivational speaking "because they think they can make a lot of money. But it is hard to get a reputation as a solid educator. A lot of new people starting are starting out with high fees and I think, 'Dude, you're crazy.'"
Mr. Yalden does not worry about tight school budgets, though. "If they want you, they will find a way to pay," he said.
The 38-year-old speaker draws on his own experience when he talks to young people about finding their way in a big and sometimes frightening world. "Self-respect and good self-esteem are very important in becoming who you are going to be," he said. "I tell them they can create the person they want to be. I like helping them sort through their issues."
"I preach to them at their level," he said, "but I don't preach at them, I preach with them. I tell them the same things their parents tell them, but I am trying to give them hope. I tell them, 'You have to make choices and you are responsible for those choices.' I tell them you have to respond and not react-when you are in the sixth grade and someone hits you, you hit back. But as an adult, you have to respond by thinking before you react."
All of this instruction in life is delivered in a voice the young people can hear, and sometimes through interactive workshops. "The kids think it's funny," he said. "But I am not trying to be funny. I am trying to connect with them. I speak in their language. Everything, from the way I dress to the way I talk and act, it's like, 'Dude, this is different.' Not everyone likes my style, but if everyone likes what you have to say, are you saying anything?"
It took Mr. Yalden a while to learn the very lessons he now brings to young people. An indifferent student, his growing years were filled with deep challenges, setbacks, depression and pain. "I moved in my junior year in high school and everything was bad," he said. "I got kicked out of my house and ended up joining the Marine Corps. Everyone said, 'Don't do it,' but it worked for me."
He became a two-time Marine of the Year and played for the All-Marine-Corps basketball team.
Unfortunately, there were other hard lessons to learn. A failed relationship sent him spiraling back toward his old ways and soon he found himself hospitalized with depression and suicidal tendencies. "I ended up marrying a person thinking she could take care of me," he reported, "and it ended in a bad divorce. That came as a wakeup call."
He began to remake himself as the man he wanted to be. "Realizing that I needed to take responsibility for my life, that I had the ability to change my life's direction by making the right choices and having the right attitude, made me the man I am today. Now I know what I want to do," he said.
He worked for a while as a teacher and coach, but despite his love of working with young people, he said that by 1993 he realized that he did not want to adhere to a curriculum. "I love education," he said, "but I want to teach kids first and let the subject area be second. If I worked in a school, I would have to teach to the tests. As I coach, I found I wanted to work with kids on character and sportsmanship, so I just started giving talks in 1994."
Mr. Yalden has spoken to a wide variety of schools both at home and abroad. "My hardest program-my best program-was when I had to speak at the Florida School for the Deaf and the Blind," he reported. "Half of them couldn't see and the other half couldn't hear, but they told me to just go ahead and do my program. They had interpreters signing for the deaf students and someone was explaining what I was doing to the blind ones."
He is a Certified Speaking Professional, the highest designation by the National Speakers Association and a distinction earned by fewer than 10 percent of all speakers. He has presented for the likes of SADD, FBLA, STUCO, FCCLA, SEARCH INSTITUTE, The National PRIDE World Drug-Free Conference, National Speakers Association, National Student Council, and more. Along with youth programs, he delivers programs for teachers, parents, and communities.
He is also the author of "They Call Me Coach," "Keep It Simple," "20 Ways To Keep It Simple," and "Traits of a Leader." He co-wrote "Lead Now or Step Aside" and contributed to New York Times best seller, "A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul."
