There was an uproar of pious indignation following the "Monday Night Football" game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Dallas Cowboys, and, as usual, the outrage had something to do with Terrell Owens, not the most modest of NFL players.
But this time, it wasn't because T.O. scored a touchdown, whipped out a Sharpie pen, signed a defenders helmet, then ran to the 50-yard line at Texas Stadium to do the Ray Lewis dance on the Cowboys' star. Actually, the furor is about a silly sketch that ran even before Hank Williams declared to the world that he and his less-than- genteel acquaintances are, in fact, prepared for an evening of viewing professional football.
The sketch, for those that didn't see it, showed Owens at his locker, in full pads, when suddenly Nicolette Sheridan, from the hit new ABC soap, "Desperate Housewives," appears wearing nothing but a towel. Now who hasn't had THAT happen to them in a locker room before a game?
Sheridan, in her "Housewives" Edie Britt persona, is trying to convince Owens to skip the game to, I don't know, play a few games of Scrabble with her. Well, Owens makes some sort of reference to a Housewives plotline, I guess, when he asks what is buried under the pool, and declines her completely ambiguous offer.
But Owens is convinced to hang out when Sheridan drops her towel, allowing a nation to see the - gasp - skin above the waist and from behind, of a woman. Owens says then that the Eagles will have to win it without him, a decision I'm sure that was made easier by the fact that the Eagles were only playing the Cowboys, so Owens wasn't really needed for a win anyway.
The sketch ends with a switch in scenes to two other "Housewives" actresses, Felicity Huffman and Teri Hatcher, watching TV together. One says to the other, "Who watches this trash? Where's the football game?"
Everyone has a good couple of yuks, and the game begins. Unfortunately, with visions of Janet Jackson'a Super Bowl nipple display dancing in their heads, NFL executives went into full apology mode over this incredibly tasteless and offensive bit. This is a league whose sidelines are graced with the presence of cheerleaders showing more skin than Sheridan did, and whose main source of advertising punctuating the legalized violence are beer commercials that wax philosophical about the wonders of twins, who always just happen to be busty female twins. Not to mention ads for Cialis, Levitra and Viagra that warn that the products can be overly effective for over four hours.
Why isn't the league more concerned with how offensive a Cowboys-Bears matchup on Thanksgiving is?
While the point can be made that the sketch ran at 6 p.m. on the west coast, this was hardly "racy." You'd find raunchier stuff in a "Friends" re-run at that time. At 9 p.m., you have utter garbage like "The Swan" airing opposite "Monday Night Football." "The Swan" is a "beauty pageant" that takes "ugly girls" and makes them beautiful by giving them breast implants and other massive plastic surgeries. That is offensive on so many levels.
The most ridiculous notion was Colts coach Tony Dungy saying that it was racist because it played to the stereotype that black male athletes like hot blond women. Well, actually, I think it is men in general that are attracted to good-looking blond women, not just black athletes.
Bill Rudick wishes all a very happy Thanksgiving, and hopes the sight of a bare turkey breast doesn't ruin your football viewing. Rudick's e-mail is brudick@earthlink.net.