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Lower Merion High school graduate Dr. Joel Fish, a sports psychologist for the Phillies, 76ers, Flyers and the USA Women's National Soccer Team, as well as director of the Center for Sports Psychology in Philadelphia, has written a recently-released book, "101 Ways to be a Terrific Sports Parent," and the book has received some terrific local reviews.
Croce likes book
Former 76ers President Pat Croce of Villanova said, "Speaking as a parent of athletic kids and as a former president of a team of professional kids, I find this book to be a fabulous resource for helping your kids enjoy their sporting life."
Former 76ers coach Larry Brown, whose children attended Episcopal Academy, said, "Joel Fish really understands today's athletes. In this book he provides great tips that can help young athletes of all ages and skill levels."
Fish, who has appeared on numerous television programs such as NBC-TV's "Today" and ESPN's "SportsCenter," recently talked about his new book on the "Today" show, and has been interviewed about his new book on radio stations across the United States and Canada.
Fish, a parent of three school-age athletes, and a captain of the 1971 Lower Merion High School baseball team, points out that, although a record 40 million youths in the United States are playing sports, more than 30 percent of them are throwing in the towel by the time they're 13.
Sports dropout
The Lower Merion grad, who started the Center for Sports Psychology in 1989, cites studies conducted by the Youth Sport Institute at Michigan State University that say the majority of kids who quit say it's because they're not having any fun - that they feel too much pressure to win.
Fish sees the need for better parental guidance - because sports are important to him: "I can remember feeling strong and vital when I played sports [as a youngster]. Looking back now, I realize that I was probably more self-confident and self-assured as a teenager because I played sports."
Fish gives eight common signs that you're going overboard as a sports parent (on page 11), and then relates the example of when he carried on excessively after a foul was called on his daughter at a soccer game.
Confronting referee
"I found myself up and running onto the field to confront the referee," said Fish. "My face was red, and my fists were clenched. The coach, about 18 years old, had to come out and ask me to sit down....Afterward, I was humiliated. It was a downright humbling experience."
Fish's Center for Sports Psychology gives seminars to parents of school-age children, and in a 2002 interview with the Main Line Times, Fish said, "In our seminars, we're always talking about how you set multiple goals for the child. We'll give the parents questions to ask their child such as, 'What did you learn today? Did you have fun? Were you a good teammate? Were you healthy today? Did you smile? Oh, and by the way, how did the game turn out?'"
As a former high school athlete, Fish refutes what he says is the myth that competitive stress is bad for youths, and talk about how to handle it properly.
Letting go
"Often, the same trait that makes you successful can sort of eat you up if you don't have a check-and-balance to it," said Fish. "If you don't learn to let go of a bad play, if you don't learn to relax, if you only have one gear of full speed ahead, often it's hard to sustain your best performances over a long period of time."
One of Fish's suggestions in helping your child handle competitive stress is to practice breathing and relaxation with your child.
He also tackles the topic of specializing in a sport, and suggests that the parent try to wait until his or her child is at least 14-15 before specializing in one sport.
On specializing
Fish said, "For some kids, specializing in one sport is fantastic; but the bad news is, sometimes kids are burning out instead of having an opportunity to develop their coordination and dexterity by learning other sports, or having the social experiences of mixing with different kinds of kids. The research shows that a majority of kids prefer being exposed to a variety of sports."
Fish, who has spoken at more than 150 colleges, also focuses on youth coaches in his book, giving criteria for evaluating them (page 122).
Authority figures
He talks about how to deal with authoritarian coaches, and says, "Authoritarian-style coaches (which is not the same thing as a control freak or a tyrant), as long as they truly care about the well-being of your child, are not bad for your child. Often, young athletes blossom under the direction of a coach who makes them work hard, holds them accountable, and lets them know where they need to improve."
The Lower Merion grad also gives guidance about how to teach your child to deal with the coach directly.
Later chapters cover a wide range of topics such as sibling rivalry, handling injuries and finding the right sports for your child. He also deals with contemporary issues such as eating disorders and enhancement supplements and/or drugs.
Accordingly to the author, Simon & Schuster (the book's publisher) said that the book's early sales have been "strong." Book signings are planned in the future.
Fish, who has been frequently quoted in the Philadelphia and national media, has written a book that is useful for sports parents on the Main Line and beyond.
