If you thought the days of dealing with bullies ended when students left the school system, you are wrong. Bullies don't stop being bullies when they turn 18 or 21 or 61. Bullies only stop being bullies when identified for what they are and when they are dealt with by those who abhor violence as a personal life strategy.
It's national "Bullying Prevention Week" for our school children and "Freedom from Bullies Week" for the adults.
The National Education Association and the National PTA (Parent-Teacher Association) tell us that, "It (bullying) can cause school absenteeism, mental and physical stress, poor school performance, poor self-esteem, and, in some cases, school violence." An estimated 160,000 American children miss school each day as the direct result of being bullied.
Imagine if that day was the day upon which South Dakota schools take their head counts for state aid. I'll bet some action would be taken to stop the bullies if it started to cost some serious cash to the adults who now sometimes ignore the behavior and thereby condone the behavior.
You think this doesn't happen in our very own schools? A local physician once shared with me that he feared for his child's safety in one of our schools and was not receptively received by school officials when he tried to get administrative support to stop the bullies. His child felt alone, frightened, embarrassed, and like dropping out though the student was an excellent academic performer.
Notice here how I am being extra careful not to give too many clues as to the identity of the folks I am writing about? That's part of bullying too. Those being bullied feel the extreme need to stay silent and suffer rather than risk the wrath of either the bully or those in positions that could help deal with the bully. As often as not, the victim of the bullying is blamed for the problem, labeled as a wimp, and made to feel even less worthy.
Think about this example a little bit more. A physician - intelligent, highly-educated and respected in our community - is worried enough about his child's safety to very carefully call a reporter and seek some sort of support for a problem so many parents and kids face. That in itself gives testament to how complex the problem can be to resolve.
A fine teacher I know (who also wishes to remain unnamed) tells me that bullying can be very difficult to handle if the behavior happens outside the classroom. He also said that girls as often as boys are the bullies and can be relentless. The internet has also given our children a mechanism to bully. So it becomes the business of those who do witness inappropriate bullying to speak up and not tolerate it.
The bully problem extends right into adulthood as well. It's often kept secret in the workplace. Gary Namie of Western Washington University writes, "It (bullying at work) is witnessed by nearly 80 percent of workers who don't do anything about it. It's a dirty little secret."
USA Today recently featured Namie's work as a part of an article on the increasing cost of bully behavior in the workplace. He is a psychology professor and heads up the "Campaign against Workplace Bullying." The costs to schools, organizations and companies allowing bullying behavior are similar and can be devastating. Namie said that companies that fail to stop bullying face a talent drain, decreased productivity and increased healthcare costs as bullied workers deal with severe anxiety, lost concentration and sleeplessness. Thirty-one percent of bullied women suffer post-traumatic stress disorder and 21 percent of the men do too. Increasing numbers of workers' compensation claims can be attributed to these sorts of uncontrolled and often unaddressed stresses in the workplace.
Bullies don't pick on the weak and dumb most of the time - in business or at school. "Bullies target the most talented in the workplace (and beyond) because the 'dolts don't threaten anybody' ... The targets of bullies are often the people who are strong and independent and talented and believe they can tough it out," Namie said of the growing body of research on the subject.
We don't need to reach very deeply into our area's history to see a glaring example of bullying en masse by leaders in government and industry. When the 2002 Grizzly Gulch Fire ravaged the hills around Deadwood, then Gov. Bill Janklow issued appropriate public safety orders, including the evacuation of Deadwood.
Within just a few days and as fire still burned on the hillsides and fire crews maneuvered heavy fire fighting equipment through the area, the order was lifted and Deadwood was reopened. Quietly and privately, emergency personnel questioned why the order was lifted so fast for Deadwood if not to get the gaming dollars and other associated revenues flowing again, even as workers required to return to work remained evacuated from their own homes.
Were there bullies at work behind the scenes here? Were they powerful enough to even override public safety issues? While many of the emergency personnel would say so privately, fear of job loss or other consequences made them shut up and tow the line. Sometimes, we cannot even stand up to bullies when lives depend on it. We would often rather risk death than risk the wrath of the bully. Clearly our adult handling of bullies if often no better than the childlike fear many experienced as youngsters.
So, what's to be done during this week of bully-behavior recognition?
Well, the process begins and ends the same way for our children as it does for adults facing this very real trauma.
1. Name and identify the behavior and the bully. For kids and adults, tell someone. Don't hide in fear. You didn't cause the behavior and you will need help to stop it.
2. Assert your right - and parents help your kids learn this - to be treated with respect regardless of who you are and your rank in life.
3. Document the behavior. Again, parents help your children name it, track and overcome it.
4. Seek support from those in power, and support those around you who are being bullied. Don't simply hide and be grateful it isn't you or your child. Bullies are cowards - don't add to that population.
5. Rally your support and report the behavior as a group whenever possible. There can be safety in numbers, and it's harder for a group speaking against the bully to be ignored or arrogantly dismissed.
And keep learning about the subject. There is help available.
In reading up on this topic in the national press and on-line at various Web sites, I learned that the psychopathology of bullies at school and workplace bullies is essentially the same.
And before we think that bullies are always easily spotted or recognized by others around them, Namie's research says otherwise. "Half of the bullies are women. Bullies are often otherwise good people - church deacons or soccer moms - who have gotten cues in the workplace that they need to be aggressive. As long as we are investor-driven at work, then people are being told by top executives they don't care how they get the job done, just as long as they get it done," Namie reports.
How many people you know have heard that at work? Have you said it? Has it been said to you? And are you modeling bully or victim behavior for your children?
Additional university research from halfway around the world, also points to deeper personality problems exhibited by some that might offer insight as to the human psychology behind bullying.
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They found that three out of 11 personality disorders were actually more common in managers than in the disturbed criminals:
* Histrionic personality disorder: including superficial charm, insincerity, egocentricity and manipulativeness;
* Narcissistic personality disorder: including grandiosity, self-focused lack of empathy for others, exploitativeness and independence;
* Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder: including perfectionism, excessive devotion to work, rigidity, stubbornness and dictatorial tendencies.
The British researchers described the business people examined as "successful psychopaths" and the criminals as "unsuccessful psychopaths."
They concluded, "There is a strong correlation between the existence of bullying and personality disorders."
And to those of you who recognize that your child may be a bully or that you participate in bully behavior, get help. Own it. It is not OK to turn your head the other way and pretend it isn't happening.
Bullying costs us money and time in our schools, our workplaces and our society. It's an expensive problem flourishing under the radar but the consequences are there for all to see.
Peace and civility are better choices, cost less in the long run and make for better functioning groups of people at school, at work and in society.
