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Cooking in Karl's Kitchen
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| By: Pitt Dicky |
September 13, 2006 |
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Don't you just love surprises? On the surface, things are looking a little grim in Republican world.
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In November's congressional elections, most polls are pointing to a Democratic takeover of the House of Representatives and possibly the Senate. Apparently the Katrina effect has left some Gulf Coast mold on the President's Teflon armor. A knight in moldy Teflon inspires reduced confidence.
President Reagan once said, "facts are stupid things." Unfortunately for President Bush, "photographs are stupid things." The recent anniversary of Hurricane Katrina revived the classic picture of President Bush flying in lofty splendor in Air Force One far above the drowning crowd in New Orleans. The impact of that Air Force One picture rivals the effect of the photograph from the Vietnam War showing the Vietnamese National police chief General Nguyen Loc Loan blowing out the brains of a Viet Cong prisoner in downtown Saigon.
Watching the repeated film clips of the Prez saying "Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job" was a dazzling reminder of the Administration's plan for Katrina. Karl Rove's theory was apparently telling the American people "Who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes." New Orleans is not the only sore toe on the American body politic. There's trouble in Iraq with a civil war that won't go away. Iran is thumbing its nuclear nose at the rest of the world. Israel apparently followed a copy of Rummy's left over war plans from Iraq for doing an El Cheapo war in Lebanon. Following a Rummy-type plan against Hezbollah worked about as well as Tom Cruise's public relations campaign for Scientology and against psychiatry. Drivers keep enjoying contributing to the record profits of Big Oil when tithing at the gas pumps. Republican candidates are backing away from appearances with the President like the Boulder District Attorney Mary Lacy backing away from confessed moron John Mark Karr.
One might think all of these things are converging into a Katrina-level storm for the Republicans in November's elections. One would be wrong. Deep in the kitchen of the White House Mess, unindicted Chef Karl Rove is cooking up an October Surprise to dazzle Americans into forgetting what they know and believing Karl's latest diversion into the land of Nod. Ain't it gonna be great to see what Code Orange rabid rabbit that Chef Karl pulls out of his hat?
The usual unreliable sources obtained a laptop computer left on a park bench by a White House political staffer who was updating his resume. The computer had a working list of Karl's potential October Surprises which promise fun and frolic for Americans about two weeks before the Congressional elections. You can participate in the October Surprise. Vote for your favorite Surprise by writing to Karl Rove, Deputy Chief of Staff, The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, D.C., 20500.
Karl's scenarios follow:
*Nominate Indian Princess Summer-Fall-Winter-Spring from the Land O' Lakes Butter package to the U.S. Supreme Court as part of an deal made with Super Felon Lobbyist Jack Abramoff to secure the Buttered Indian vote.
*Have the U.S. Justice Department indict Senator Hillary Clinton for the murder of JonBenet Ramsey.
*Have the U.S. Commerce Department declare all people with incomes below the poverty level to be middle class.
*Issue a Presidential pardon of Pluto to return it to planet status.
*Declare New Orleans a province of Iraq so some of the billions of dollars pouring into Iraq will help rebuild Cajun country.
*Issue an Executive Order that calories don't count and that fat is the new thin.
*Award Haliburton a $3 trillion no-bid contract to put ice making machines in Alaska to combat global warming.
*Have Dick Cheney abducted by illegal space aliens from the planet Mongo. Declare war on Mongo. America rallies behind the President against the Mongozoids.
*Order mandatory evacuation of Las Vegas and declare entire city a sanctuary for frozen embryos.
*Have former FEMA head Michael Brown drawn and quartered at Jackson Square in New Orleans by four John Deere lawn tractors.
All votes for the October Surprise will be counted by Congressperson Katherine Harris, R-Florida.
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